Hapless Heart

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i feel like i set myself up
like i get my hopes up
for a specific person only to be let
down
by standards they didn’t even know
existed.
my heart is tattooed on my wrists
so that with every exchange,
a new person gets a glance and
no matter how often i try to
wear long sleeves
to hide the tops of my hands,
the ink is inevitably seen.

i’m not sayin i wanna walk around
without a heart or
be a cold woman
but i feel like i don’t know how to
manage this organ i’ve been given.
it dances to its own rhythm,
shuffling and sliding
about 70 steps a minute,
grooving faster than seconds
so it’s no surprise
that no matter how hard i try
to keep up, i fall behind.
this muscle that is the only the size
of two fists
is swifter than all of my logic
and limbs combined.

it provides me with lies
and with each new beat it
neglects to teach
me how to beat
my stupidity.
it pumps blood to my arteries
but is still the part of me
that i resent.
i wish i could hold my heart in contempt
for refusing to be honest with my mind,
setting me up with false expectations and trust
and making me crazy whenever i sense
the slightest hint of love.

but for whatever reason,
i still love this heart i have
because when what is in front of me
fails me
it speaks to me and tells me
that it is built with the capacity
to expand to other beings
so despite the hurt of my feelings,
my heart is the only route
to get to the true feelings
of love.

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Tags: arteries, blood, capacity, cold, contempt, dance, disappointment, hapless, heart, hide, honesty, hope, hopeless romantic, hurt, let down, lies, limbs, love, muscle, open, organ, poem, poetry, resent, standards, stupid, swift, tattoo, teach, trust