Poetry by Farah Lawal Harris

Place of Belonging


i do not belong here in this world.
there is no real place for me.
if there is one, it is probably in between
the cracks of a brick building
where no one could see
and i feel pressure coming
from all sides.
i have so much brewing on my insides
that i could open up a factory
and produce emotions unknown to most
on an assembly line of mundane days
and fake smiles
and going to sleep with the hope
that tomorrow will not be as sad
and waking up the next day disappointed that
it is.

i do not know where i belong–
perhaps in an ocean where waves crash and hit me
so that i can wake up swimming and feeling
alive,
so my bruised and atrophied
muscle of a heart can beat
with some sort of energy,
so that numbness will no longer be
a defining factor of me.
i am out of place in this atmosphere where daily
i walk around without my body.
i do not wish to exist in the spirit realm
where the shell of me is lying and trying
to convince others that she
is whole.

i do not belong in a world where
i constantly have to control
my moods and curb
my frustration
and cry
silently
and smile
automatically
and fail
miserably
at being
happy.

i do not belong in this mental state
and i am hoping that one day
i will find my spot where life feels safe,
where grief and hiding abates
and i can finally step
forward
and look in the mirror
at my own face and see
that there is purpose to this pain
and i do
belong
in this world.

Advertisements

2 responses

  1. You definetly belong in this world. Gods creations are allways good. And from another sister who has been thru, to you, there will come a day that you smile even laugh and say to yourself “I don’t think I would have been living if I never felt pain!” Congratulations hun you have realized that you are human. Created with feelings, and moods, personality and all. So hold tight, fight the good fight, trust me all will be alright. Every day creates a dark night, but every night must one day turn back to light.

    July 29, 2008 at 10:40 am

  2. Sheri Whitt

    may I read your poem tomorrow in front of a conference of people who are gathered together to think about prevention and early intervention as it relates to mental health and wellness. I think it might help people to understand that so much of the search for peace of mind has to do with the search for a place of belonging- not just a physical place of belonging, but an emotional/spiritual/psychic place of belonging. It would be my honor if you would let me share your words. Thank you.

    September 11, 2008 at 5:59 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s