Stuck in Translation
i don’t want to try to understand you.
your life may have been filled with just as much
and maybe even more pain than mine
but your past pain is no excuse
for the present pain i feel
just because of you.
hurt people hurt people
and i shake to imagine the hurt
in the person who hurt you.
i wish i had something more positive to relay to you,
but the truth is,
i don’t even know what to say to you.
words escape me and so does sympathy.
i lack the compassion to sit down and try to figure you out,
i lack the discipline to control the words that come out of my mouth
when i think of what you have put me through.
i lack the capacity to comprehend the fragile being that is you,
partially praying that you will be broken again
just to see how it feels,
to realize that you are glass when you thought you were steel,
so you could truly know that your actions were real,
not just imagined, not just misunderstanding.
take a walk in my shoes one day
and see how each hour that passes for me
is a victory,
every smile is a triumph
and every simple touch brings me back to life.
you left me dead,
frozen, lacking spark and luster
so it seems foolish of me to muster
the strength to see you how i did at the beginning,
the time when i studied you and saw potential,
saw beauty past the eye,
saw the possibility of you bettering my life,
not knowing that you would be the knife
that stabbed my heart and tore my world apart.
i realize that you are not just a victimizer, but a victim too,
but still nothing in me wishes you well,
all of me wishes you would go to hell,
part of me doesn’t consider you a real man
and all of my heart, mind, and soul has no desire