Poetry by Farah Lawal Harris

The Destruction


it’s gonna kill me
but still i can’t see
not having it in my life.
every time
i break out in hives,
i ignore my body’s signs.
today i sneezed and felt
a torturing tightness
in my chest.
i wanted to call for help
but didn’t want to confess
my negligence.

my body
no longer feels like mine.
my skin
belongs to someone i don’t know
and even my breath doesn’t flow
the way it used to.
i’m used to
not following through
but now i see the clues
right before me
and refuse to solve the puzzle.

i don’t want to buy a vowel because i know
that O-
bedience is better than sacrifice
and i’m wondering if now i’m paying the price
that is right for my rebellion.
i wonder if my pain is punishment
because this stings
more than anything.

how long can i risk
my health?
how long i can remain
a prodigal daughter lying to herself,
running from what nourishes her
and continuing to feed on what destroys her?

i’ve had fun in this party of mine
and threw out my royal oats
in exchange for pieces of swine
paid for by peace of mind.
my mind tells me to move
but a nagging voice says “Stay still.”
my body questions how long
i’ll be able to feel
this way
before i become the sole employee
of a sweat shop run by a corporation devoted to the
complete and utter destruction
of me.

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One response

  1. 1sojournal

    Don’t you just hate it when your mind and your heart are in two different places at the exact same moment? Maybe even engaged in a battle of wet noodles? With you stuck in between? It is so very human, isn’t it? Sort of the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly in betweens. Think Paul had something to say about that.

    Take Care,

    Elizabeth

    September 3, 2008 at 9:53 am

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