He Would’ve Had Me
he drove off and waved at me
with a smile that would’ve broken my heart.
this dark-skinned young man
with an old familiar soul
attempted to enter my life
and i walked away,
talked my way out of explaining that
if i had met him five years ago,
he would’ve had me.
but instead i smiled,
summarized my busy lifestyle
and used it as an excuse:
“i’m trying to make moves” and
“time is money”
but part of me now questions if
that’s all the way true.
if mr. right stepped into my life,
would i push him the other direction?
not only for my fear of love and affection
from strangers, but the danger
that would ensue from being knocked off of my tracks,
that the fast-moving train of my life
would derail, leaving all of my accomplishments
in the rubble.
and i don’t want to have to dig
to find all that i worked so hard to fix.
i don’t want to find no survivors
and hear on my mind’s TV that the only casualty is me.
i can’t be casual anymore
so now i lock doors before knobs are turned,
divert conversation before my heart turns
into a traitor and tells on me.
so as mr. not right now waves at me,
i recall that five years ago,
a man like him would’ve had me.
but i’m happy with the current me–
i no longer live in regret about turned down love affairs;
the capacity for nonsense no longer lives here.
so mister, i’ll see you one day
even though i knew you in my last lifetime
i’m proud to say
that this portion of my journey is mine
and there’s no room for two on this space shuttle
to the comets and stars in which i belong.
i’ll play hopscotch in galaxies while you sit at home.
i’ll smile at you from the sky and bask in the light of full moons
and hope that one day, maybe soon,
the man of next lifetime will be floating on a planet
that will align with the path in which i am moving.
if i meet him five years from now,
he will have me…
without reservation, hesitation, or waves in
the opposite direction.