Poetry by Farah Lawal Harris

Tug of Love


unfathomable, but still so real.
undeniable but still i feel
the need to push myself away
from that which tugs on my heart so hard that it hurts
to fall down on my knees and pray.
so risking is an action that i don’t wanna do,
whoever you are,
i’m afraid to get close to you.
still desiring to notice you and as you pass by,
for my image to knock on your heart
and cause a twinkle in your eye…oh my,
i’m such an contradiction, full of oxymorons,
not smart, kind of a moron
when it comes to interpreting love signals…
they get fuzzy as i intercept them–
so that i see kind gestures and still have more to question
and more to find answers to,
more to look forward to
when really things are just on the surface, only topical.
i thirst for deepness but i can’t swim;
i’m hungry for love but i’ve noticed that i can’t win…
i bid and lose all my chips and have to start all over again,
and in the end, i never cash in…
and when i leave the casino, i drive too fast
and run out of gas before i can reach the station–
it’s always the same equation–
me times man equals zero
and nobody knows, so many friends tell me that i’m they’re hero.
but maybe it’s true
because i look at Batman, Spiderman
and though i’m Black Woman,
we all something in common–
we stay up at night, wake up alone,
and never feel at home,
although our minds roam
with images of happiness, fantasies of love,
but perhaps it’s all madness..
unfathomable, but still so real,
undeniable but still i feel
the need to push myself away
from that which tugs on my heart so hard
that it hurts to fall down on my knees and pray,
but still i rise up and walk with the hope of brighter days
and a love will make me float away,
one that is permanent,
and not just stuck
in yesterday.

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