i am really scared of being alone.
i think it’s the silence
that frightens me the most–
creaks in ceilings and walls that could mean
an intruder stalks the hall,
though more than likely,
it’s nothing at all.
i can’t foresee having nobody to say “good night” to
and maybe even embrace, kiss on the cheek before i sleep
and see their face when i awake.
i want quiet but i don’t know if i can deal with
the kind that makes me jump when the phone rings,
out of excitement and anxiety,
the kind that makes me start talking to myself freely
or walking around naked since no one visits me,
but still scared that a stranger is peeping
through my window.
i do crave the silence a little–
the room to think and process
and cry and digress
and grow to see progress
brought on by quiet sweetness,
not so haunting and scary
but crucial and necessary.
i’m almost ready.