i know the rules,
but i don’t care.
i have memorized the stipulations of life,
studied them to find out why they apply
but at the end of the day,
i just want things my way.
is that wrong?
what does your reply matter anyway?
i hate to be rude or hurt feelings
but i’ve finally reached a point
where i can decipher my feelings from fact,
can tell the difference between myself
and how i’ve been told i should act
and i only have enough energy to pretend on stage.
truth hurts others
but to me, it is freeing.
come smile at the sunshine with me,
who smiles for the self that was too scared
to even look out the window,
let alone step outside
to stare at the sky.
*Written July 3, 2008*
i find myself trying to curb my feelings,
telling myself to STOP
being so sensitive,
stop being so excited,
stop being so happy,
stop being disappointed.
but then it occurred to me that feelings are a part of life,
evidence that i am here
and breathing and experiencing the world around me.
to feel is what separates me from the dead
because the dead no longer have senses.
the dead stay stationary and their time to feel is
their last feelings of
pain, relief, regret, sadness, joy,
anguish, fear, shaking, crashing,
accidents, birth, gunshots, stabbing,
life, laughter, reaching, grabbing,
desperation, depression, elation, and happy,
“I wish I had more time,”
“This is right on time,”
“God it’s about time!”
inhale, exhale, in between,
noise, silence, and then more silence
is what carried them between this world and the next.
whereas i reside on this side of the universe,
whereas i am an alive, growing, living, breathing being,
i declare that today,