i need a hug.
am i wrong to say that i don’t trust the people around me
to hug me long enough,
to grip me genuinely enough?
i don’t need one of those from-the-side one-arm
“i don’t really feel like hugging you, but it’s the nice thing to do” type hugs.
keep your arms to yourself.
i need chest against chest
until we exchange breaths.
share your burdens with me without talking
and i’ll do the same.
nothing sexual, just being humane,
relational as we were meant to be.
even a tree stretches its branches away from itself
despite being climbed on,
arms being chopped off, sometimes broken by storms.
it keeps growing, stretching, pushing past comfort zones
until its undying effort is seen even in shadows.
we should be more like trees–
reach out even we are tired,
grow closer to others even if our hearts are solid as wood.
let nature guide us,
honor what’s inside us,
honestly, desperately, generously,
there are two sides of me
that live simultaneously
diametrically opposed to one another.
they live inside and they fight,
bruising each other with shuddering blows
and when i wake up in the morning,
between my blackened eyes and broken nose,
i don’t even know
which one will show her pretty or ugly face.
there’s the side of me who
enters parties and lights up the whole place
with bubbly personality;
but then there’s the quiet side
who sits in dark corners while others dance wildly
and chooses to talk to nobody
as she writes poetry.
which one is really me?
one is open and the other is closed off.
one enjoys life to the fullest
and the other is always pissed off.
i want desperately to remove the sleeves
of these confused parts of me
but i need them to keep out the cold.
the one on the left is short
and the one on the right is long
but the experience of feeling varying degrees of warmth
has made me strong.
i walk around lopsided and unbalanced,
harnessing and throwing away my talent,
treating my body as a temple
and an alley with empty liquor bottles and blunt roaches
until that day approaches
when the fact that
there are two me’s won’t have consequences
and i’ll be able to look in mirrors
and recognize the girl i see.
and i will marvel in the beauty
and complexity of she,
one human being with different facets
that all make up