Poetry by Farah Lawal Harris

Posts tagged “now

Contingency


i find myself not living
in the now
but the “when. “
the “When A happens then B
and I will be happy.”

so instead of looking next to me,
my eyes turn glassy
as i envision the moment when
certain events will happen
that my contentment is
contingent upon:

“When I move to a better place,”
“When I get a better job,”
“When I have more money,”
“When I get that ring,”
“When I get married,”
“When I get free”
and other hypothetical statements
fill my mouth while
my future overflows with intangible dreams.

maybe when i hold them in my hands
they’ll feel real.
or maybe when
i stop living in when,
i can live in now
and appreciate what i have
now.
even if
“when”
never shows up
or decides to be tardy
(as it often tends to be).


The Beauty of Now


regardless of how things might end up,
i’m thankful for now;
for my smile and the awakening
in my soul and body,
body and soul;
for jazz tones traveling up my spine
and dancing out of my mouth
through colorful, raucous laughter.

the world becomes pink and blue
as energy mingles together
in a soft purple violet
thriving, but
needing to be watered.


Limbo


childhood is so scarring
and adulthood is so boring.
i like living on the in-between,
gliding between the fun times
and the dull times,
the playful
and the serious.
but mediocre can only be satisfying for so long
before it’s time to move on
to something new.
maybe i can keep aspects of both,
make a recipe for the present,
mixing in the ingredients and flavors
of the seasons of my life until this point
into a pot with the future,
swirl, stir, stew, and sauté them
until they combine
into a fabulous concoction
of now.