Poetry by Farah Lawal Harris

Posts tagged “pray

From the Day We Met (Haikus)


from the day we met,

God has grown closer to me

indefinitely.

 

from the day we met,

past pain doesn’t feel so bad;

smiles have replaced tears.

 

from the day we met,

“more than i ever prayed for”

is how i see life.

 

from the day we met,

i lose myself in laughter

and love feels so good.

 

from the day we met,

each time i look in your eyes,

my heart skips a beat.

 

from the day we met,

my life hasn’t been the same.

i’ll never look back!


Still Born


i feel frozen,
hard to do anything,
not justified in joy,
stuck in anxiety,
crying while running
because there is no time for stopping.

my mother,
example of strength,
template for beauty,
example of generosity,
standard of selflessness,
feeling of family,
antidote for insanity
is struggling.

my soul is still connected
by an invisible umbilical cord
feeding me medication and hope
and faith and pain
and they course through my veins
as i try to maintain
with a smile on my face
but i’m losing some weight
and my mind can’t erase
how life shouldn’t be this way.

but what do i know?
i am a mere embryo
floating in a world outside of my control,
sharing the same heartbeat as the woman who birthed me,
questioning, wondering, still living,
always praying
that our loud cries make it up to God’s big ears
that can’t possibly be deaf.


Love Me


i want you to love me,
not in that agape unconditional love type way,
but that “please baby please baby please” type way,
that get on your knees and pray
that God answers and allows us
to cross paths again type way,
that you remember my birthday
without Facebook or Myspace type way.
i want to be the last thought on your mind before you sleep
and that hot, sexy dream that wakes you
to make you change your sheets.
i want you to love me,
to wanna meet my mama, my daddy,
my siblings, friends, teachers, coworkers, distant cousins,
neighbors, acquaintances and fellow students,
not so you can stalk me,
but possibly learn how to have an influence
on my life so that one day,
you’ll be in that repertoire of
people to meet.
i want you to love me past my body
and baby, i know it’s banging
and you want to bang me
but here’s a thought–
make love to my insecurities and fears;
thrust your love deep inside to make me cum so hard
that they shake and disappear.
make my soul and future curl so tight
that if this is wrong,
i don’t wanna be right
and if this is dark,
then God shouldn’t let there be light
and because you always make my day,
i never want it to be night.
i don’t even know who you are yet
but i want you to love me,
to confirm that love lasts and exists
outside of stories and movies.
show me the positive side of life
that accompanies love
and maybe you’ll reaffirm my faith
with the Lord above
if i can see right before my eyes
just what it is that He does
and be able once more in my life
to let go
and let love.


I Used to Pray


i swear i used to pray daily
but then one evening before i went to sleep,
i stood up and saw that the skin on my knees
was crackly like sandpaper.
so i stopped stooping down so far to the ground
and prayed laying down
but i would be traveling to far away towns of REM sleep
before i would even complete thoughts
or say “Amen”
and then
i’d be awake and what i wanted to ask for would not be.
it’s been so long that i’m scared God won’t wanna hear from me
like he’ll find my voice ugly
or unrecognizable and tell me i dialed the wrong number
that i should try again and next time call my selfishness
and if she hangs up,
reach out to my cynicism
and get on three-way with my doubt
and click over and talk to vulgarity
because she is always on the other line.
i stay up for hours every night talking on the phone
to the identities of mine that have made a home
in my psyche.
i’ve sent eviction notices but they won’t leave,
tormenting my every steps
and i never know what will come next
and all the fighting leaves me perplexed
and unable to bend down to my knees again
for wanting to avoid the experience
of hurting myself by hoping
for the uncertain.


Into Me


he’s just not that into me
or maybe
i’m just not that into me.
i invest in the exterior,
keep up images and expectations,
but when it comes to treating my inside,
i’m deaf, dumb, and blind.
i am spiritually numb,
which back in the day would have bothered me
but recently more often than not
i shrug it off–i’m way too busy.
i stand on my feet and grind all day
and the thought of dropping to my knees
to close my eyes and pray
doesn’t hold much priority.
this kind of disturbs me.

my sister said to me that
i’m a precious gem
and i believed her
until i became a rhinestone
just to get next to him
and he pawned me in
for another stone
who knew her own value.

i want to be into me,
have the ability to live and speak freely,
not censoring myself and my identity
to suit those around me.
my life depends on it,
my mind depends on it,
my heart beats pulses of hope
that resonate and reverberate.
i gotta truly love me fully
before it’s too late.


Tug of Love


unfathomable, but still so real.
undeniable but still i feel
the need to push myself away
from that which tugs on my heart so hard that it hurts
to fall down on my knees and pray.
so risking is an action that i don’t wanna do,
whoever you are,
i’m afraid to get close to you.
still desiring to notice you and as you pass by,
for my image to knock on your heart
and cause a twinkle in your eye…oh my,
i’m such an contradiction, full of oxymorons,
not smart, kind of a moron
when it comes to interpreting love signals…
they get fuzzy as i intercept them–
so that i see kind gestures and still have more to question
and more to find answers to,
more to look forward to
when really things are just on the surface, only topical.
i thirst for deepness but i can’t swim;
i’m hungry for love but i’ve noticed that i can’t win…
i bid and lose all my chips and have to start all over again,
and in the end, i never cash in…
and when i leave the casino, i drive too fast
and run out of gas before i can reach the station–
it’s always the same equation–
me times man equals zero
and nobody knows, so many friends tell me that i’m they’re hero.
but maybe it’s true
because i look at Batman, Spiderman
and though i’m Black Woman,
we all something in common–
we stay up at night, wake up alone,
and never feel at home,
although our minds roam
with images of happiness, fantasies of love,
but perhaps it’s all madness..
unfathomable, but still so real,
undeniable but still i feel
the need to push myself away
from that which tugs on my heart so hard
that it hurts to fall down on my knees and pray,
but still i rise up and walk with the hope of brighter days
and a love will make me float away,
one that is permanent,
and not just stuck
in yesterday.


Soul Vagabond


sometimes i can’t surpass the thought
that i am incomplete,
that there is something
wrong with me
because as much as i desperately need
and want certain things
in my life i am left with my hands empty.
my mind is full but my soul is hungry,
panhandling for fulfillment,
writing signs for help,
and sleeping in the cold with no avail.
i pray for the day when i won’t fail
to appreciate my personality and life,
when i won’t look as my imperfections as
additions to the list of issues i need to fix,
but that i will embrace them,
wear them proudly
and love them as much as
i want someone to love me.