Poetry by Farah Lawal Harris

Posts tagged “when

Contingency


i find myself not living
in the now
but the “when. “
the “When A happens then B
and I will be happy.”

so instead of looking next to me,
my eyes turn glassy
as i envision the moment when
certain events will happen
that my contentment is
contingent upon:

“When I move to a better place,”
“When I get a better job,”
“When I have more money,”
“When I get that ring,”
“When I get married,”
“When I get free”
and other hypothetical statements
fill my mouth while
my future overflows with intangible dreams.

maybe when i hold them in my hands
they’ll feel real.
or maybe when
i stop living in when,
i can live in now
and appreciate what i have
now.
even if
“when”
never shows up
or decides to be tardy
(as it often tends to be).